Wednesday, February 02, 2005

in the belly

yesterday i took care of the only errands
requiring me to leave auroville. i rode on
the back of damien's scooter as we navigated
our way into pondicherry to buy train tickets.

pondy feels like a bustling little city, alittle
bigger than santa cruz, but some similar sense
of waves crashing with some small industry.

there was a moment there on the back of the bike
where i completely let go of knowing anything
about what im doing. there really isn't a whole
lot of pressure for me to get the development
center going, or even to return to calcutta. maybe
im supposed to start my thing in pondicherry. maybe
i should hire a guide buy a motorbike and start
scouting the country - hyderabad, amritapuri, ...

is a fun feeling, this sense of complete unknowing,
realizing that the small guidelines that i've been
operating under (going to delhi for the linuxasia
conference 2/9, then going to calcutta to set up a
development center) are totally self imposed and
imaginary. if i just stayed in auroville no
one would be particularly suprised.

so there was a moment, and i've had lots of these
in the last few years, of wondering whether this
was it, whether i am here now. is this "home".

and the message came back, that it wasn't. that
this chapter is about getting inside the internet
mind, learning how to apply massive amounts of
educated talent - awareness - to the development
of the internet, and the healing and growth that
can come from it. this chapter is about going into
the belly of human density and seeing what can be
done there.

there will come another chapter surrounded by trees
instead of buildings, when my hands spend more
time in the dirt than on the keyboard. but it isn't
yet. there's still too much ambition in my head.

1 comment:

vessy mink said...

pure poetry, you are truly inspiring.