im 10 days or so back in india
ive been belly sick for most of that

when i left india
i was belly sick
and realized
the very direct connection
between being physically sick
and mentally unhappy

that connection is pretty real for me again

and maybe its useful
being unhappy every once in awhile
useful if maybe a change of some kind
would be beneficial

ive lost alot of ambition since coming to india
i read in a book somewhere india was good for that
now at least some of what i have
are committments i made when i was more ambitious

right now lifestyle seems really important
if im not trying to get anywhere
than picking a good way to be
seems like a logical step

and begs the same questions
of whats important to me

and right now
im feeling community
and being closer to the land
i miss the campfires of larson's beach
where we'd cook meals together

and still looking
for how i fit in
in someway tho
im pretty convinced
that if i found a physical community
i'd figure that part out

...